Good bye, dear friend

Recently, I said good bye to a long-time friend who passed away November 1 from cancer. Lt. Colonel David “Dutch” Helms, United States Air Force (USAF; retired), was a pilot for 21 years, with over 2,300 of military flight time, and served in the Vietnam conflict. Following his tour there, he was appointed military attaché at our country’s Embassy in Bonn, Germany. This gave him an opportunity to negotiate with other allied officers, eat the German food of which he was so fond, and put his fluency with the German language to good use. It was while he was stationed in Bonn that he was diagnosed with cancer of the larynx and returned to the United States for surgery.

When I met Dutch in 1994, he was still learning to cope with the impact that the cancer had on his life. He was a man with a lot to say…and sing…and share! An incredible storyteller and a wicked sense of humor are just two things that I loved most about him. But initially, he felt stifled and self-conscious using the ElectroLarynx to speak. It’s a device that, when you place it against your throat, transmits a vibration noise so you can form words and sounds. He would laugh and say he sounded more like a robot than a robot sounded! A few years later, he had a prosthesis fitted and inserted into the opening in his throat. This gave him a more natural sounding voice, which he appreciated and enjoyed.

Dutch loved to talk about his days as an F4 pilot and you could just tell that flying that jet was heaven for him! He was forever telling me to “Check six.” Fighter pilots tell one another to check a location by referring to the position of a number on the face of a clock. “Check six” basically means “Watch your behind!”

If I had to come up with a word to describe him, the word would be “loyal.” He was a loyal friend…son… father…brother…Cleveland Brown’s fan (now that’s loyalty!)…patriot…Phobe Cate’s fan…and connoisseur of good food! He was a creative gift giver, military history buff, and avid traveler.

In 1996, Dutch founded WebWhispers, an information and support web site for laryngectomee survivors of larynx and other throat cancers. It all began when he taught himself how to use the computer and built a personal web site in which he wrote about his medical condition. WebWhisperers grew from there. The group began with about a dozen people and has now evolved in to an international organization!

Although his cancer was in remission for a number of years, in one of his emails he broke the news that it had returned. It was devastating! I’m grateful that as his health began to fail, he was invited to move in with his childhood friend, Mike, and his wife, Pamm. He was surrounded by love and laughter and, no doubt, another Cleveland Browns fan!

I’m a great believer in celebrating someone’s life when they leave this earth and a big celebration is called for where Dutch is concerned! I’m thankful for the many ways he touched my life and honored to have known him. I’d attempt to give him an official military salute, but he’d only laugh at me!

Dutch’s passing is a good reminder that our lives are fleeting and that it’s important to share your heartfelt feelings for someone with that someone now! It will mean a lot to both of you and you’ll have no regrets.

And one last thought…“I've learned that all a person has in life is family and friends. If you lose those, you have nothing. So, friends are to be treasured more than anything else in the world.” ~ Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park

Comments

[Stacy]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Franni. I, too, lost someone to this same form of cancer--my father.

How I wish that WebWhisperers had been around when we were going through cancer with my dad. I'm sure it would have been of great help and comfort to us all.

What a gift Dutch created for the world!

I'm sorry he lost his battle, but glad that memories of him live on in people like you.

Love,
S

[Franni Ferrero]

Stacy,

Thank you for your kind note and understanding. My life is richer for having known dutch and I'm so proud of the man he was and all he did with his life!

Franni

[Randy Halen]

I remmber Dave from the four years we spent at Heidelberg College in Tiffin, Ohio. We were both in the Nu Sigma Alpha mens society ( local frat ). We also were roomates during our senior year. Even though it has been over forty years the memories we shared come back like it was yesterday. We lived together after graduation, he working in a lumber yard to get money for grad school, and I taking a physics course for a science comp. I learned a lot about German wine that summer. I shudder to think how much we consumed. I remember he called on night from Texas about a bombing run he had made and the unfortunate demise of a steer that was on the scene. The last time I saw Dave was in 90 or 95, at a Heidelberg class reunion. He was not himself and I now know why. I could not attend his memorial but I visited him yesterday as he is interred at the same cemetary as my family. We will continue our friendship.....until next time Dave, Randy.

[Franni Ferrero]

Randy...Your comment meant so much to me. And I just know he's laughing in the heavens because he loved the stories you shared. He was such a good friend to all who met him and I'm so honored that one of those friends shared their time and thoughts with me...Franni